Madness

Once upon a time , there was a little girl .. she used to be quiet , polite , study hard , say positive things and never think to be any thing else . Being the ideal was boring , she used to finish her food , complete her homework , play only at weekends , love her parents and always seems to be Ok .......

She never ask herself  "what is she really want to be?" , "what are her dreams?" ,Next to the wall she was always going not because of the fear but to be perfect , ideal and normal , she never break the rules , if she spoke she had to tell the truth .

Wrongly believed that she had to be like the others want , like her parents want . However, she was always dreaming in unordinary life with unordinary person and she kept that as a secret deep inside . Finally , she realized that it was all a lie , there is nothing perfect , there is nothing ideal , there is nothing certain , only happiness and sadness .

With a kiddy dreams she lived . sometimes as an unseen Angel with a huge white wings flying every where at all the places she always want to be in and with the people she  loved to talk with. or like a butterfly dancing through the roses.

Like a normal girl she loved a guy so much but unfortunately like a perfect girl she succeeded in hiding her feelings , he never  know  that he was loved , he never recognized her attention , in the past she read and act with life through that "Those who know more about your thoughts and your feelings , they will enslave you forever "

Now she ask herself over and over  what a life ! , what if i express myself so clearly ? , why is it not so simple !?, why should i hide my feelings?, why should i say no when i want to say yes? , why should i accept things i hate? , why should i satisfy people than satisfying myself? , why !!?

Is that Madness !? , what madness is !? she believes in Allah , she want to be close , she want to be free , she has black and white thoughts , she can handle both . Her soul strangled inside a stormy thoughts and tried to fly away but there something wrong inside , something words can't talk about.

I want to scream till my voice disappear  and then i think that i will find peace , that peace which  i always dream in , Nothing is pure i know but i believe in karma so i will have what i deserve ....